Goofus Has It Made; Gallant Not So Much

Had to go get some new tires put on my car… It’s pretty sad when a new set of tires almost doubles my car’s worth from what a dealer offered me for it in trade… The only reading material in the waiting room was women’s magazines and Highlight Magazine for Kids. For those of you who, as children, had dentists un-American enough not to subscribe to Highlights, it’s a magazine of stories, puzzles, arts and crafts, and the like. It hasn’t changed much since I was a kid except for you can download and listen to podcasts of some of the stories (true), and Gallant and Goofus look different.

Once again, for those not in the know, Gallant and Goofus were the names of two boys that showed you how to act with side by side cartoon panels to help you compare and contrast proper and improper behavior. Thus it encourages you to be a Gallant instead of a Goofus. For instance, Goofus might be shown damaging a friend’s property and just not giving a flying fuck cuz that’s how he rolls (with the caption, “Goofus doesn’t respect other people’s property”) while Gallant, who obeys all city, county, and state municipalities and knuckles under to the man, is shown handing in a pristine library book to a librarian with the caption, “Gallant makes sure to treat other people’s property the right way.”

Gallant is such a tool (even the librarian thinks so).

Unfortunately for Gallant, he’s stuck in the 1950s while Goofus is apparently moving into the high-paying realm of cyber-crimes and all at the age of 10. One of the cartoons messages today was about respecting other people’s privacy. Gallant’s cartoon showed him preventing a friend from reading a female classmate’s diary (complete with large heart on the cover and lock) while Goofus was depicted successfully hacking a classmate’s email password.

Later I learned how to make finger puppets out of construction paper, glue, and paperclips.