It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like the War on Xmas
Okay, Brothers and Sisters, we liberals have to be ahead of our game this year. We've been exposed by Bill "Phonesex" O'Reilly the last couple of years so it's not worth it to keep up our underground assault on Xmas; we have to bring it out in the open now, and we need to have first strike capability.
Trivia: The abbreviation, "Xmas," is not a recent phenomenon created by greedy retailers like some would have you believe but has been around for about a 1000 years. The Greek word for Christ is Χριστο, which got itself shortened to XP, which you can see carved into various churches' icons of Christ on the cross, in many examples of ancient Christian art, and in manuscripts for the New Testament. Mas is the anglo-saxon word for religious celebration (where we get Mass in the Catholic religion probably). Putting Christ or X in front, makes it a religious celebration of Christ, like Michaelmas is a celebration for St. Michael. Anyway, don't let conservatives know this. Their insistence that we're "crossing out the Christ in Christmas" will only help our cause, comrades.
So, back to the War on Xmas. We need to get started early before they can get their defenses up. It's just now the first day of Fall that I'm posting this - an excellent time to begin as the Fall Equinox plays in nicely with various Wiccan and Pagan religions. Here's what I've pledged to do.
Once again, buy all my Xmas gifts on eBay from individuals. This will keep money out of the hands of the big retailers - both the ones who have Holiday/Xmas Sales (unfortunately) and the ones who have Christmas Sales (good). But the overall drop in holiday shopping at these retailers will confuse or anger conservatives for 1. Not supporting their retailers and 2. For just not supporting their version of capitalism.
Since my Xmas shopping will be done by November, I'll have a lot of free time that I can spend by going to various retailers like Toys R Us and counting the number of pro-Bush bumperstickers on the cars in the parking lot. If there's a sufficient number, I'll walk in and go to the front of the store and yell, "I've had my Xmas shopping done for the last 5 weeks, suckas! East side rules!" before hastily exiting.
Not only only will I be wishing everyone, "Happy Holidays," but I'll also be doing it in Spanish. This will cause double hit points on O'Reilly and make him cry.
Trivia: Holiday is from the old English, "Halig Daeg" or Holy Day. In fact, just look at the word... Holiday... Holi day... Holy Day. Der-hay. Once again, don't let the conservatives know.
So there you have it, comrades, once Xmas is ours, we move on to taking all the joy out of other days of celebration that used to have religious connotation - starting with St. Valentine's Day (easy since there are so many people who hate it because they don't have a special someone or that special someone always screws it up) and then St. Patrick's Day (a lot harder, but the rumor that we'll plant that the green dye in the beer comes from Spinach laced with e-Coli will surely strike a huge blow for our cause).
posted by TlalocW @ 9:54 AM
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